Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Question: Parrot v. Wiener Dog

Today reader Sparrow asks:

I have heard it on good authority that wiener dogs are superior to you, particularly in their stealth pooping ability. Can you refute this vicious rumor?

Dear Sparrow:

First of all, let me say it's nice to finally hear from another bird. Even a small boring cuteness-impaired bird that can't talk. We are all brothers under the feathers. I guess this proves that other birds find me just as terrific as humans do.

Second, why are you hanging out with lowly wiener dogs? I know it can be fun to give a dog orders in its owner's voice until it goes crazy, but unless I am misinformed, sparrows aren't smart enough to do this and generally spend their time outside McDonald's restaurants, bumming small pieces of French fries.

You will hear lots of stupid things if you continue associating with wiener dogs. They are considered a form of lunchmeat, and not much goes on above the shoulders.

As for stealth pooping, let me know when you see a wiener dog place a tight group right in its owner's hair. If I let a week go by without sending my human running for the shampoo, I would be ashamed to show my beak in public.


anne said...

Marvin -

I was wondering what you might think of Ruby, who lives in the UK? You can see her here:


Pen-pal possibilities?

Suze said...

Dear Mr. Answer Bird:

I need advice. I'd like to know which is better to chew up - computer keyboards or TV remotes....I have to make a choice real soon.....

kdh said...

What is the funniest word to you? I'm talking about the kind of word that when you hear, say, or think it, it causes you to laugh or giggle either out loud or to yourself.

Cindy said...

Do you mimic the human or does the human mimic you?

Ozzy "The T-Shirt Eating Machine" said...

Dear Marvin:
I am currently in a love triangle with my cockatiel roomate and her ohter intrest (another cockatiel). I am a Nanday Conure and figure I could win her over with my striking good looks, bold coloring, and charming personality. . . so far I've had less then good fortune. What are your thoughts on my situation, and interspecies relationships in general?