Sunday, March 11, 2007

Question: Does the Fat Human Weld?





I'm amazed that my blog has been up for several hours and I only have three comments. As everyone knows, I am the focus of all love and admiration in the universe, and people follow my every move because they worship me, so you would think the comments would be piling up like seed hulls outside my cage. I assume people love me so much they don't want to bother me.

Anyway, commenter Jean (a human) says this:

Did you teach your human how to weld? Has he done anything with that yet?


MARVIN! MARVIN! DO YOU LOVE ME, MARVIN!

Sorry, I can't help saying that about a hundred times a day.

To get back to your question, about the welder the human bought, it's a touchy subject. One the one hand, welding is good, because it can be used to make things like bigger bird dishes to hold more food. Or a big paddle to squash cockatoos. On the other, it is used to make cages, which ought to be banned. The other day I surprised my human by greeting him in the morning from a perch on TOP of my cage. I had used my amazing feet to open the door, and I released myself on my own recognizance. I figured once he saw me up there in my proper state, i.e. loose in the house, even his tiny human pea brain would realize things were finally as they should be. But he grabbed me and stuffed me back in the cage, and along the way he made a rude noise on my belly.

I will keep working on him. He thinks I am stubborn, but of course the correct term is "patient."

He says he has the welder all set up, but he is too fat and lazy to buy metal to learn on. That is unfortunate, because he weighs a great deal and could probably use a chair made from tubular steel or maybe titanium.

And before you ask, the answer is no, I have not pooped on the welder yet. But I am biding my time.

9 comments:

richard mcenroe said...

Question: Parrot sex -- Does it taste like chicken

JazzBass said...

Marv, what will you do when the fat one expires?

Anonymous said...

Answer Bird:
Are you worried that Steve has new knives for his kitchen?

Susskins said...

A female Myna bird: would you hit it?

Jeffro said...

I realize you know all and see all, but maybe, just maybe, you should be grateful the human hates cats.

Just sayin....

Darth Monkeybone said...

Question: Should monkeys be allowed slap Frank J. around and call him Susan?

Jean said...

Hopefully, your human will soon understand the wisdom you have to offer... before you poop on the welder.

Anonymous said...

Dear Marvin: I am a lonsome alky & net addict holed up in a motel room. I had an anole lizard (sold as a Chameleon, well he could change color, depending on the plastic branch he was on at the time). Even after his stroke, my Grandfather enjoyed holding stunned flies for him to suddenly snap and devour. Would you reccomend a lizard as an 'Animal Companion' for me, or just as lunch.
Just askin' dont'cha know.
Best, gotta go, Mozart on the radio

Suze said...

Marvin, I have always admired you a great deal and have waited impatiently for the day you would have your own blog. After all, you ARE more entertaining than any human.....