Monday, June 9, 2008

Question: Would Life be Easier if I Were not Mad Sexy?

Mollo's Mom wants to know:

does marv think life might have been easier if he were not such a handsome devil?

mr mollo ponders this some of the time - and wonders if marv would like to share his thoughts.

At first this question may seem insane. But only to homely guys who can't pin the needle on the testosterone Breathalyzer. For guys like me and Mr. Mollo, whose good looks keep us buried in chicks (actual chicks), it's another story.

Being a babe magnet can be tiresome. You get bruises under your feathers, from all the squeezing and caressing. And your bird buddies can't get in touch with you, because your fat human's voicemail is always full of salacious squawks left by lonely hens. And you're always busy, juggling mistresses. It can wear you to an adorable frazzle.

Also, if I didn't have to spend so much time riding herd on my honeys, I would have more hours to devote to my real passion, which is gardening. The fat human placed a couple of tomato plants near my cage, and I enjoy flinging bird seed into the pots to see what comes up. The fat human does not seem to share my enthusiasm. He should be grateful. In the old days, parrot mixes contained a lot of hemp seed, so he might have ended up growing the wacky weed and then been sent to a cage of his very own.

No, Mr. Mollo, it's not easy being a player. But it beats hatching some hen parrot's eggs while she swings on your favorite bird toys.

In conclusion, it's all good, dog.


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Maynard the Cockatoo said...

Word up.

Keith said...

Are you still "off the heezy?"

Suze said...

Marv - you need to join your human in studying the Bible and lay off your sinful want to go to heaven, don't you???

Da Boys said...

Maynard, we need help! Our fat human won't let us out of the Big House. We want to go downstairs and "have a talk" with the mouthy Timneh Grey that lives there. The Grey annoys us by talking to the human and distracting him when he should be up here bringing us more food. We are large male amazons, and it's our inborn right to rip apart anything that annoys us, up to and including crocodiles. Maynard, can you help us explain this to our naked ape?

Basil Bluefront
Chester Mealy
Eddy Double Yellowhead
Nate Yellownape

Maximum Security Wing
Iowa Parrot Rescue

Maynard the Cockatoo said...

It sounds like you, too, have a problem with your human failing to remove household waste. Maybe you could attach cheese to the grey bird and see if the rats get him.