Reader and hairless monkey Keith inquires:
What do you do with the inexpensive bird cookies? Or does the fat human even bother to get the inexpensive ones?
First I must agree emphatically with your use of the term "fat."
As for inexpensive bird cookies, I am pretty sure there aren't any. The fat human pays like seven bucks for a tiny bag of Nutri-Berries, which are a well-known brand. They taste okay, but where they really shine is ballistics. I can fling one maybe twenty feet, which sends the fat human into hysterics, which, I can only assume, mean he is impressed.
I will now mount the cage and permit my admirers to approach and squeeze my majestic toes.
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