Thursday, April 5, 2007

Question: How do I Stay so Beautiful?






ATTENTION, PRIMATES! THE BEAUTIFUL COCKATOO WHO IS NEGLECTED AND HARDLY EVER GETS SQUEEZED CORRECTLY HAS RECEIVED AN IMPORTANT QUESTION!

Roy asks:

Maynard-

You really are a good looking bird, those 'citron' tints really set off your eyes.

How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?


Dear Roy:

Yes, yes! I am quite beautiful. You are a very smart human for realizing this. Why any human would want to do anything but stare at and love and squeeze the pretty cockatoo all day is a mystery to me.

On the other hand, the annoying grey object looks like a giant dust bunny. Maybe it should go in the dustpan.

As for my routine, once a week I have the human take me outside and put me in a special cage and spray me with the hose. This knocks off dust and also tightens the pores. To show my appreciation and generosity, I wait until he picks me up and takes me inside, and I shake some of the water off on him, so he can bathe, too. But so far, it has not made him beautiful.

Haven't we discussed this before? Perhaps I should have my publicist do a press release.

THE COCKATOO ANSWERED ANOTHER QUESTION! LINE UP AND SQUEEZE THE COCKATOO!

Here is a video of a bird which is not as beautiful as I am.




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4 comments:

Marv The Answer Bird said...

You would look really beautiful at the dump.

Susskins said...

Maynard,

Why are you so interested in being squeezed? (Squozed? Squazed?)

Keith

mengley said...

I'm sorry -- where does this line form? My wife would like to get in it. I should warn you, she squeezes pretty hard.

Roy said...

Now it all makes sense. Are you a herbal essences or just straight up head and shoulders cockatoo I wonder? Thanks for the birthday present maynard!