ATTENTION, PRIMATES! THE BEAUTIFUL COCKATOO WHO IS NEGLECTED AND HARDLY EVER GETS SQUEEZED CORRECTLY HAS RECEIVED AN IMPORTANT QUESTION!
Roy asks:
Maynard-
You really are a good looking bird, those 'citron' tints really set off your eyes.
How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
Dear Roy:
Yes, yes! I am quite beautiful. You are a very smart human for realizing this. Why any human would want to do anything but stare at and love and squeeze the pretty cockatoo all day is a mystery to me.
On the other hand, the annoying grey object looks like a giant dust bunny. Maybe it should go in the dustpan.
As for my routine, once a week I have the human take me outside and put me in a special cage and spray me with the hose. This knocks off dust and also tightens the pores. To show my appreciation and generosity, I wait until he picks me up and takes me inside, and I shake some of the water off on him, so he can bathe, too. But so far, it has not made him beautiful.
Haven't we discussed this before? Perhaps I should have my publicist do a press release.
THE COCKATOO ANSWERED ANOTHER QUESTION! LINE UP AND SQUEEZE THE COCKATOO!
Here is a video of a bird which is not as beautiful as I am.
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4 comments:
You would look really beautiful at the dump.
Maynard,
Why are you so interested in being squeezed? (Squozed? Squazed?)
Keith
I'm sorry -- where does this line form? My wife would like to get in it. I should warn you, she squeezes pretty hard.
Now it all makes sense. Are you a herbal essences or just straight up head and shoulders cockatoo I wonder? Thanks for the birthday present maynard!
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